To the Cliff-Jumping Wildflower

The shortcomings and inadequacies of the written word are abundantly clear to me this morning, because Sarah Labanc got engaged yesterday. The world has shifted on its axis a full degree, I think.

It finally happened. The blue, brown, freckled wildflower with windy hair and perfect teeth and an afternoon sunbeam spirit found a friend for life. She made it, and that means we're all going to make it in our own way. As she tumbles into the unknown, gazelle-bounds into the grandest adventure she could possibly conjure, leaps off the oceanic cliff of all cliffs, she takes her dreaming, filled-to-the-brim, kaleidoscopic mind with her, and that beautiful gleaming pinpoint of hope will glimmer deep within my consciousness for eternity.

When I saw the small, declaratory rectangle on Facebook, the fuzzy edges of sleep were blasted like lightning from my head, and when my imagination had caught its breath, all I could hear were these words:

http://sarahlabanc.tumblr.com/post/39498753289/dear

http://sarahlabanc.tumblr.com/post/41561090655/dear

http://sarahlabanc.tumblr.com/post/37098669447/dear

http://sarahlabanc.tumblr.com/post/28557215230/dear  (this one.)

I read them and wept without knowing why.
I remembered what she'd wished, and feared, and hoped. I remembered how I'd studied her like a painting and hoped those things too. And suddenly, inexplicably, I was terrified and needlessly protective. I scrutinized his Facebook page, this future Mr. Sarah. I was suspicious and hesitant to give in, like a child that has been given a puppy it didn't get to pick out at the pet store. Two things made me do it. One was a single shot in their roadtrip montage video. They were eating ice cream cones in the car, and he looked over at her impishly, and there was her girlish, whimsical dimple. This told me he too had a child heart, that he knew and loved the girl. The second was the ring. Plain, gold, elegant with a humble white opalescent stone, it embodied her spirit in a way no physical object will probably ever personify. This told me he knew and loved the woman, and in her entirety. I stared at the picture of them together- snow dusting their shoulders, beaming, her left hand curled against his sweater- and I could see their dimpled, blue-eyed children.

So she did it. She found her hand to clasp, her pair of running feet with which to plunge over edges. She has taken that great and magnificent step, and so we all must take our own, whatever they may be.



We can talk smart or just act a fool
...It doesn't matter to me
Because I know that I'll be with you

Dear Coree,

This is for you.

Because you love giraffes.

I mean, love.

And, like the short-necked giraffe, I know you feel that you don't always fit with everyone else, and so you're afraid to speak up. 

The way you don't always fit is what makes you unique. 

So this song made me think of you, and to remind you that you're awesome, and you can be as extraordinary as you want. 

Keep up the good work. :)

Disclaimer: Do not apply all of the giraffe's habits. The parts about the giraffe being murderous don't remind me of you. Well...no. Just the general principle of a giraffe. 

What It's Like In My Head

"I think in poetry and in colors and bits of sound and it really is beautiful, having the mind of a writer, but sometimes it really just hurts."

-Coree Stuart

Friend, you have spoken words of truth. 

A Battle of Epic Proportions

My feelings towards this photo? Well. 

Let's just say, dear Coree, it was an honor to do pillow warfare with you.

Dear King of Random Gestures,

I know you didn't want me to post about for your sake. But I'm going to do it anyway.

I hope you never see this. Because if you do, my most tantalizing secrets sealed within my cryptic titles would be jeopardized, and my facade of imagined mystery could crumble in mere moments. And that must not happen. Heavens no.

I'm already too vulnerable today.

This might not have been the case had it not been for Coree. That perfectly adorable, inquisitive child. She (thank goodness) had no idea what my cryptic-ness could mean, but she was determined to find out. Through incessant prodding and careful process of elimination, she unearthed my most treasured secret of this lowly page, and once she had, it was out there. In the open, where I felt anyone could just reach out and snatch it, only to shatter it on the proverbial floor. 

I couldn't believe it. If Coree could elbow past my seemingly immovable front that guarded this secret, who else might? Granted, Coree knows the tricks to squirm through my barriers. But it left me uncovered and shivering with cold and fear. Metaphorically. 

Then, like an idiot, I brought this up, and though I highly doubt you will follow through and pursue the reading of this page, I can't remove the question from my mind, and until I am certain, it will remain there like a festering splinter. 

So if you're reading this, I've already lost half the battle. 

Sincerely,

Abby

Wallowing In Mutual Clingy-ness

Yet another great outpouring of feelings with Coree today helped me feel better about my past (and partially present) self.

Because I used to be (and still am) SO clingy.

I'd latch on to someone who I thought could protect me, or make me feel important, or let me cling to their backpack straps as they towed me through the in-crowd. But I didn't realize that not everyone will just let me cling and love me no matter what I do. That's just the way it is. Sad, right? 

Anyways. Turns out I'm not the only one!

Shocking I know. Hearing Coree echo the very same frustrations that I felt made my heart soar with relief and swell with happiness at the fact that we can have each other to fall back on when people shake us off their backpack straps unfeelingly. (Too much? I'm feeling dramatic.)

So thanks, Corenne Janera. ;) You're the bestest, regardless of what boyfriend-hogging, abandoning upperclassmen might seem to think. 

And now I get to go pelt inflatable excersize balls at people and bask in the SPIRIT OF THE LAWD! 

(insert Pentecostal pastor impression here)

Doesn't get any better than this. 

Oh wait. It does. I'm smelling pasta. GO MOM. 

A River Of Emotions (You Bet It's Deep)

If Aaron or Michael are reading this (doubtful, but whatever), they'll understand the hilarious spasms of giggles this title sends me into. Aaron and I sketched out today in seminar, a completely accurate drawing of Michael's heart and emotions. They were- you guessed it- a river. Oh yes. So good.

Kay, sorry. Life. Blogging. Right.


In one of the finest conversations with Coree to this point, I realized some things about myself. About my dependency with friends. About her. About other people. About everything. Munching on chewy candy and wisdom, we were knee-deep in grownup-level issues like pros. *cracks knuckles*

Good stuff.

It was one of those moments (which seem to be happening daily) where I wanted to burst out to her how much I loved her. How much I wished she could understand how loved she is by everyone who meets her, and how brave she is for taking on the world like she does. The fact that she even took the time to trust ME with her emotions, instead of her best friend (well, more like in addition to her best friend, but still), swelled my heart with incredible happiness. 

I mean, ME. 

ME?

Needless to say, I feel awesome about today.

Getting Along Famously. Pun Intended.

Coree signed an autograph today.

Someone at school whom she'd been intimidated by since MIDDLE SCHOOL came up and told her that she reads Coree's blog every day and loves it so much, and could she get her autograph?

So proud of her. She was so surprised by this unexpected and completely worthy attention, yet ecstatic. From there, we started talking about the pros of blogging, other people's blogs (she'll kill me for this, but Liv, I told her about how awesome yours was and that she should check it out), being an internet sensation, and other such things. I wondered if I should publicize my blog more so as to become equally famous, but I don't post as often or as brilliantly as my friends, and who knows just how many secrets I want the population of the internet to know about?


Like the showtune I sang in the shower.


Or that cute guy who smiled at me the other day.


Or things that make me cry.

Or...or...


But then. It's not like I'm signing autographs. I have a feeling I've got nothing to worry about. :)

Coree's Blog:

corennajellybeana.blogspot.com 

Liv's Blog:

livindepth.blogspot.com 

For my tiny population of fans. 

Winter Adventure

Dear World,

Thanks for being awesome. Really.

Ice skating was an absolute blast. The next two days were just as fantastic.

Now. Here comes one of those inevitable times where it's handy to know that only select people will ever read this blog. To all you favored readers, what's said in this blog stays in this blog. (Or between us, or whatever.)

This is what goes through my mind as I rush across the ice.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a figure balanced on the ice, trying not to fall as he is lying in wait. I clutch the stolen knit cap in my beanie pocket and grin with giddy glee. Picking up speed, I fly past other skaters, closer, closer still. And then we collide. My sleeve is snatched and I whip around at the speed of light. He pins my arms and squeezes me tightly from behind in an awkward hug. I pretend to try and squirm free, while secretly in heavenly bliss at the fact that this is probably the closest I'll ever be to him. He makes desperate grabs at my hoodie pocket for the beanie, but I elude him and streak out of his grip to the other side of the rink. The chase continues off and on until the end of the trip, when he admits that he didn't want to tackle me again and risk slamming me once again down on the ice. I want so badly to admit that I didn't mind in the least.

Ah, winter.
The adventures continued the next day. The lovely Coree called my house at 9:45am, proposing a trip to a great offbase park. A day followed that will remain in my adventurous daydreams forever. We, along with the ever-present Sarah and Cody, romped through jungle terrain, down huge rollerslides, and through jungle-gym netting of Japanese playgrounds. At a balmy 73 degrees, it did NOT feel like winter. So we headed down to the Kinser docks. Between portapotty hunting and construction-dodging, just getting to the end of the 30-foot concrete docks was an adventure in itself. Sarah and Cody leaping off the huge docks into the waves below was just the icing on the cake.

The best part?

After months of seeing creative and fun-filled photos on Facebook, I admit. I was jealous. All 3 of them have had plenty of photoshoot adventures, and it doesn't help that Sarah's camera makes everyone look flawless somehow.

And it's always only Sarah and Coree, or occasionally Sarah and Cody, that ever, EVER get to be in these legendary photos.
It's like an unspoken code, or club, or something. To be included in any adventure-y photo with these people felt like an honor or something. I felt, for the first time in a while, accepted.
Included.
Loved.
Valued.

The past few days have been great.

The Annual Day of Gift-Giving

Yesterday was awesome.

Okay, when they say it is better to give than to recieve, they're right. Listen to them. Whoever 'they' are, they've stumbled upon a valuable secret.
Not to flip my own hair, but I like to think I'm pretty awesome at gift-giving. I'm not satisfied with just opting out for jewelry or a gift-card if I can't think of anything. Or if I do give jewelry or a gift card, it's for a reason. But just walking through the store, with the essence of a specific person in mind, then having a brilliant vision come upon me, sparked by a nearby item, brings me such joy.

So yesterday was the last day before winter break. And that means a whole day of constant surprising and joy-giving.

Such. Fun!

My favorite reactions were probably Coree's and Alicia's. Not only were they surprised, they were overjoyed. Apparently I picked the right things for them. Oh, and Sarah. She was so excited that she insisted in starting Far East Drama practice with reading aloud her new children's book. :)

So after all that, I got to gift-wrap people's presents for them for 4 hours. It wasn't boring. It was so much fun to make things look nice in cheap, shiny paper and ribbons and I felt such a sense of joy and Christmas spirit.

So, all this is to convey to the world my absolute exuberance of the fact that Christmas is only
 8 days away!!!!!

The Perks and the Drawbacks

Hmm. Me? Creating a blog? Unheard of. Normally, the obscure part of me would be shrugging it off and saying that a blog is way too mainstream. But then Coree Stuart, ever the trendsetter, made a fabulous one.

Gah, peer pressure. But I do like the idea of being able to publish things and feel accomplished.

It's ironic. Normally, you want to publicize a blog, right? Only, thing is, I know people won't read this. That's strangely comforting. It's like a fancy, electronic diary. Only more pleasing to the eye. Yes, I will get a couple devoted friends that will check to read my musings. But the ones that care enough to do so are the ones I won't be writing implicating things about. And my secrets are safe with them.

See how that works? 


So we're going to try this and see how it works. Hah. I say "we". In actuality, I'M the one trying it. Well, and Coree. Love you pal.

~Me