The White Masterpiece

When you have to shed 3 layers just to sit down in class without spontaneously combusting, or you've  run out of warm-enough socks long before laundry day, or you've trudged through the millionth snowdrift just to get to your dorm, it's easy to complain with everyone else that winter will never end and why can't it just be warm again and so on and so forth.

But tonight, as I gaped at pristine, untouched, massive drifts and took a bite from one (yes, I ate snow- it was perfectly face-level, can you blame me?) and watched the sparkly, cold white fairy dust swirl and dance around itself in corners and under streetlights and across the snowplowed pathways that quickly filled up again, I couldn't help but feel a little magical about it.

Yes, I have moments where I hope I never have to tug on these mediocre-quality, clunky, gaping-open-at-the-top snow boots. Yes, I feel like a marshmallow every time I pass girls wearing nothing but leggings, a North Face and those cute, hand-knit ear warmer/headband things (that I will never wear) while I'm wearing 3 pairs of pants and 2 sweaters and a huge coat and a giant scarf(yes, the leggings/Uggs/fleece jacket trend never actually goes away just because it's 12 degrees and windy at 3pm). Yes, it might be nice to be able to do something with my hair besides stuff it inside my coat and pull it out, snarling at me and frizzy with static, hours later.

But come on:

You can't help but be wistful whilst walking through this every day and night.

I'm also sort of glad it's been so windy today and yesterday. It means that no matter how diligently Snow Crew plows the walkways through campus (and to be honest, it's not incredibly effective to begin with), there will always be a few inches to walk through at all times, and I like the excuse to walk through snow. It makes keeping my head down against the freezing wind not so bad when I can watch my toes kick through fresh powder. I'm still dying to wade all the way across the quad at least once, but I should probably do some leg workouts first. (Some of the unplowed areas are almost chest deep at this point. Not kidding.) 

Never take the glory of nature for granted. It's majestic and creative and is practically screaming at us to look up and acknowledge the coolness of the God who imagined it. 

The branches have traded their leaves for white sleeves,
all warm-blooded creatures make ghosts as they breathe 

Research Hours

We can curl our knees
towards us, tightly fitting
ourselves between bookcases
like puzzle pieces with sore
backs for infinite
cups of hot chocolate

but the conversations I remember
best will always be
the ones I have later,
with myself, bouncing
off the parallel walls
in hallways
that offer no answers
as to why I can't
just be brave

because it's the aftermath
that brings the epiphany,
the crunching icy remnants
of what-ifs
shouting that fine line
between bravery
and spontaneity,
and how I can't admit
that I lack the
thing I want most
to be,

since that would require
less thinking
and more doing-
its easier to accept
that reality
and my imagination
will never
be friends

First Snow

Sweater-wrapped palms
suppress breathy giggles
that bubble
from that place
I forgot was still
inside me
the place that doesn't
care that class
won't be canceled

the rough patch
in the middle of my
tongue is permanently
scorched from all
the times
I sipped too soon,
dunked my nose
into whipped cream
and sank my shoulders
into booths with
blissful sighs

so I tie the belt
on my coat with the
satisfying tug
of a secret agent,
feel the wind
bite my nose
and make it blush,
complain
with the rest
that my toes are numb,
and bury my palms
in my damp
sweater sleeves.

Green Plastic Disc

There is something so childlike and freeing about flying down a slope of white powder, not caring about how the freezing spray is making your face look, not caring about how girly your shriek sounds, not caring about what awkward body parts are going to hit the drifts in what kind of pile with those around you.

You can't just not love sledding. The most dignified of people look like complete fools when they're sledding. It's the best.

And there's a moment at the bottom of the hill, before you make the thigh-aching trek back up the hill, before you even wobble to your feet to brush the powder from your coat, where you're just laying there after the limb-flailing landing. You give your breath a minute to settle and just enjoy the childlike exhilaration. Maybe you stare at the newly forming constellations, or your frosty ghost of a breath in the air, or at your friend's pink-nosed and grinning face. But in that breathlessly blissful moment, there's just nothing to worry about.

It's just perfect.

That's why I jump up and down in front of the windows and beg everyone around me to go outside in the snow. You can't just not go sledding.

The Tiny Thief

Like fluffy bits of cotton floating lazily, the thick snowflakes gently cuddle every crevice of the deck in a soft whiteness. As I am drawn to the tall window, the outline of my sweater silhouetted by the crisp coolness of the outside light, my breath catches in my throat at the sight of a tiny sparrow perched on the swinging birdfeeder. Entranced, I watch with an amused smile. The feeder is intended for the larger and more ostentatious cardinals, but they are too busy chasing one another around the trees to notice their stolen breakfast. The sparrow pecks nervously at the seed, tensely awaiting the imminent bombardment. He grabs a minuscule bite, then peers over his shoulder to check for danger. He repeats this process several times as I smile at him with rapt attention, an unseen guardian, my face inches from the chilled glass and frosting it slightly with my breath. Normally, I would dart for my camera, but something about his secrecy stops me. Every bird who stops at the feeder pays the toll of documentation except this one. The way he jumps from his perch as the cardinals swoop past in their game of tag, then hops back when the coast is clear is heartbreaking and charming all at the same time. And so I let the tiny thief have his breakfast in peace, maintaining a quiet vigil at the window, unseen by the scavenger; and when he has pecked his fill of the seeds, after one last nervous glance at the treeline, he darts from the perch, his daring venture a success.  

At Long Last

Yesterday, I woke up to something I hadn't seen since I was twelve.

You can kind of see in this one that the snow was still falling. It literally SPARKLED.

I don't think I stopped squealing until at least 11:30. 

And then...I got to go SLEDDING?! The day couldn't have gotten any better. Really.

I was just happy all day. 

And now we have no school TODAY as well... which means

1) no exams till next week

2) more sleeping

3) more snow

4) more sleeping

5) a 5-day weekend (!)

6) more happiness

... I'm just so happy. I don't think I've been this happy all week. 

New Books

So I got another Sarah Dessen book at Barnes and Noble today. Yes, they're adorable and teenager-y, but they're my guilty pleasure, emphasis on guilty, because everyone reads them. Besides, they're mostly about a girl who meets a guy who sparks some break from her normality and teaches her to be more impulsive and less of a perfectionist about her life.
I mean, every book.

And I made the mistake of (unknowingly) picking one where the main character is already sort of a party girl. The drinking, carefree type who is starting to slide back into old, dangerous habits when some sweet guy saves her and takes her home when she almost passes out. Ick.

But I ramble. The point is, the attitudes of the main characters in novels always rub off on me. Sarah Dessen has a way of making her characters really believable - which, don't get me wrong, is a great skill for a writer to have. But they become so believable that I start to agree with their decisions. Which, in this particular case, isn't the best idea.

So essentially, I'm in a backsliding, carefree mood, and if the friendly, almost-ginger boy from the bookstore were to walk into my kitchen and hit on me, I wouldn't push him away and freak out like the normal me would.

This is not a good thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Is this a fairy thing or an angel?" Olivia blurts in her curious-yet-blunt eight-year-old voice, jerking me for the fifty-seventh time from my book. I glance at the necklace she's referring to. It is neither a fairy nor an angel, but an Eagle, Globe and Anchor, the symbol of the Marine Corps, which was given to me as a Christmas present by my parents when I was about twelve. 
When I said she could wear something of mine, she clearly picked it thinking it was something more whimsical. When I explain to her what it is, I can see her in the side of my vision studying the charm; it is losing its appeal.
"Which one do you think is cutest?" She continues before I can put my nose back to the page. She displays the back cover of her chapter book, which depicts a row of different books in the series, all with pictures of different puppy breeds on the covers. After a very, very cursory glance, I tell her the white one.
"So, you think I should have gotten that one?" 
"I don't know." By now I have almost lost my place on the page of my book.
"Or maybe this one?" She is determined to keep my interest.
"Olivia." I lower the thick volume briefly. "I'd really just like to read a little."
She slumps a bit, disappointed. "Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because reading someone else's writing always causes me to narrate my own life in the same way. Had to get that out.

In other news, my package of gifts I sent to Okinawa has arrived, and I received a thank you wall post from one of my friends. This means that within a week or two I'll either be getting one awkward thank-you email from someone, or the same familiar silence. Don't know which I'd prefer.

And a bloodcurdling scream has just erupted from the basement, which means Olivia is in yet another spat with her siblings. Ah, cousins.

Gotta go.

And So It Begins

And so here I sit during this winter break, listening to as much new music as I can get my hands on and wondering what will become of my life.

I think I'll stalk people's Twitters and Tumblrs and Facebook pages in hopes that staring at them long enough will cause one of them to message me. 

(Speaking of Tumblr, this wouldn't make a bad Tumblr pic. Jussayin'.) 

Silver Necklaces And The Annual Day of Gift Giving

So please just fall in love with me

this Christmas...

Can we just take a minute to appreciate the gorgeous feelings that Michael Buble and Christmas together create. 

For another thing, I went Christmas shopping for a few friends today and as I was browsing the jewelry  section of Kohl's looking for a specific pair of turquoise earrings, I saw those adorable pendant necklaces. 

The ones I'm a sucker for. Just a silver chain and something silvery on the end. There was this one with a snowflake... gah. I died. It actually got me excited to give presents, but also I wondered briefly if anyone is actually getting stuff for me. Woah. 

I just love Christmas, okay?

So much so that my favorite day...probably of the school year... has always been the day before winter break. I wear Christmas-y colors to school and pack my bag of presents for friends/teachers and just spend the day distributing them. Boy, did I knock it out of the park last year. I mean, really. I probably had almost 20 gifts. 

That was a great day. 

Whoever said it was better to give then to receive. They're right. Whoever 'they' are. They've stumbled upon a valuable secret. 

I get really intentional about my gift giving, too. I'm never content with a simple gift card... unless it's a super meaningful gift card. (There's something about Starbucks gift cards that are just perfect for some people.) I think of the perfect, fitting gift for that one person. Then when I find it... it's the most satisfying feeling. The best part, though, is handing it to them, seeing the look on their face when you unexpectedly got them something, and then open it and... no way. You didn't. How....

And you're like, yeah. I did. I made that happen. 

Best feeling ever. 

Unfortunately this year, my resources aren't what they were this year. I don't have a)enough money, b)enough friends that I know super well, or c)enough friends in one place to go as all-out as I did last year.

But notwithstanding! Gift-giving is going to be as spectacular as ever. The gifts I did get are pretty darn epic. Examples:

-Pink pens for this girl in my APUSH class. We don't even know each other that well, but she mentioned like 2 months ago that she really wants some pink pens. 

-A certain TV show-themed mug for a friend. 

-A Batman ornament for my drama teacher (aka my Secret Santa for Drama Club) who love, LOVES Batman.

-Certain TV show-themed suspenders. For a friend. They're that kind of friend.

I can't reveal much more, 'cause I'm not certain who reads this and who doesn't. But after Christmas I'm going to be bragging about... well, the good ones. Some were pure luck, but others were pure genius. Some were a bit of both. 

This was just going to be a post about how romantic and Christmas-y that song at the top makes me feel, but hey. It happens.

Dear Burgundy,

I think you might be my new favorite.

I never thought I would move away from Cobalt Blue. I mean, never. In fact, I swore that you would always be my third favorite at least. But here you are.

It doesn't help that you're soft and warm. Neither does the faint smell of hot dogs.

I'm hope this isn't too forward of me. I don't normally do this. I mean, neither do you. Not that you're afraid or anything. That would be Cobalt Blue. Too afraid to break from normality.

You might just be better than that.

"Please Excuse My Horrible Face" -Marilyn Monroe

As my brother was watching a sports movie in the other room and I realized my life would have nothing in it for the next few days except homework and school...

...I decided to jazz up 1 minute and 23 seconds of your time with something new and exciting...
...a video.

Consisting of:
-My surprise at the fact that my blog is getting popular
-My newfound appreciation of the adorable holiday Zales commercials
-My lack of purpose
-Yeah. That's about it.

I need to get out or something. Some of you people know where I live. Surprise me.

Just kidding.
Kind of.
Don't feel obligated.

Winter Adventure

Dear World,

Thanks for being awesome. Really.

Ice skating was an absolute blast. The next two days were just as fantastic.

Now. Here comes one of those inevitable times where it's handy to know that only select people will ever read this blog. To all you favored readers, what's said in this blog stays in this blog. (Or between us, or whatever.)

This is what goes through my mind as I rush across the ice.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a figure balanced on the ice, trying not to fall as he is lying in wait. I clutch the stolen knit cap in my beanie pocket and grin with giddy glee. Picking up speed, I fly past other skaters, closer, closer still. And then we collide. My sleeve is snatched and I whip around at the speed of light. He pins my arms and squeezes me tightly from behind in an awkward hug. I pretend to try and squirm free, while secretly in heavenly bliss at the fact that this is probably the closest I'll ever be to him. He makes desperate grabs at my hoodie pocket for the beanie, but I elude him and streak out of his grip to the other side of the rink. The chase continues off and on until the end of the trip, when he admits that he didn't want to tackle me again and risk slamming me once again down on the ice. I want so badly to admit that I didn't mind in the least.

Ah, winter.
The adventures continued the next day. The lovely Coree called my house at 9:45am, proposing a trip to a great offbase park. A day followed that will remain in my adventurous daydreams forever. We, along with the ever-present Sarah and Cody, romped through jungle terrain, down huge rollerslides, and through jungle-gym netting of Japanese playgrounds. At a balmy 73 degrees, it did NOT feel like winter. So we headed down to the Kinser docks. Between portapotty hunting and construction-dodging, just getting to the end of the 30-foot concrete docks was an adventure in itself. Sarah and Cody leaping off the huge docks into the waves below was just the icing on the cake.

The best part?

After months of seeing creative and fun-filled photos on Facebook, I admit. I was jealous. All 3 of them have had plenty of photoshoot adventures, and it doesn't help that Sarah's camera makes everyone look flawless somehow.

And it's always only Sarah and Coree, or occasionally Sarah and Cody, that ever, EVER get to be in these legendary photos.
It's like an unspoken code, or club, or something. To be included in any adventure-y photo with these people felt like an honor or something. I felt, for the first time in a while, accepted.
Included.
Loved.
Valued.

The past few days have been great.

Injuries, Alaska, and Christmas

Today has been a success, I should think. Nothing truly significant happened. I didn't have my first kiss or break a bone. I flew around the exchange looking for Christmas presents for friends. Went home. Wrapped said presents. Performed surgery on a stuffed animal. (It was for a present! Don't ask.) Cleaned the shreds of ribbon, wrapping paper, and stuffing off my floor. Went to youth group.

Ah, youth group. 


Stood outside in the frigid weather discussing Alaskan natives, theme parks, and NFL football. When I say frigid, I mean 59 degrees. Give or take. Ate lasagna and got dragged around in a warped version of amoeba tag combined with musical chairs. Sat with the underclassmen girls and discussed life. Watched guys hurt each other in the most brutal and hilarious ways imaginable. Tried to stay out of the way. Rode home with my other mother-she's Korean. :)

You can't tell me that's not a successful day.

I have a color-coordinated stack of presents to give sitting in my room. My head is full of thoughts about Alaska and ice-skating. I have 6 hours before I get to wake at the ungodly hour of 4:00 am to go sit around a bunch of Marines and watch them scream like little girls at the Army/Navy football game.

GO NAVY BEAT ARMY. :D