Stop Judging Me

I think soccer jerseys are awesome. (I also love rugby shirts, but that has no pertinence to this post. I just think it's worth saying.) Specifically, Manchester United home jerseys are pretty sick. Maybe it's because my brother loves them, so they're some of the only jerseys I'm familiar with, but regardless, I dig that fiery red. However, I can't wear one. And I'll tell you why.

(I'd like to take a minute here and recognize the fact that I'm writing about sports right now, which makes me uncharacteristically gangster. Moving on.)

It's impossible for me to just buy a ManU jersey for myself and wear it simply because I think it's awesome because I don't follow the team. Which means that if a cool athlete kid at college were to compliment me on it and then proceed to ask what I think of the new manager, or who I think will be strong this season, or whatever... I would have no clue what they were saying. I would be put in the position of having to say the most ignorant thing ever, which is that I don't watch soccer, but merely wear a jersey for no reason at all. Like a completely uninteresting white girl. Ick.

And to be honest, that bugs me a little. That people get so worked up about sports teams or TV shows or book series' (serieses? serei?) or fandoms or whatever that no one is allowed to like anything anymore. 

I can't wear soccer jerseys because I'm "not a true fan of the sport". I can't say I listen to Sleigh Bells because I "only have their #1 song, so it doesn't count". I can't say I like Doctor Who if I don't have a favorite monster, doctor, season, companion, and so on. I can't appreciate Hermoine Granger's sassy intelligence or wish I'd get my Hogwarts letter at age 17 because.....because....

....I've never read the Harry Potter books. There, I said it.

See what I mean? A bunch of you just gasped and vowed to snub me the next time you saw me. Don't even deny it.

We as a culture have made other human beings ashamed to have sincere feelings for something we enjoy or be innocently naive of a certain aspect of pop culture. What is wrong with us?

Why can't we just let people enjoy discovering new things without requiring that they explore every aspect of that thing known to humanity so they can say they're a true "fan"? Why can't we be okay with people that didn't read/watch/listen to/enjoy the same cool thing that everyone else did when they were kids? It has no bearing whatsoever on how cultured or intelligent someone is. So lay off, fandom police.

While we're on the subject, I might as well confess some other stuff too:

I've never read Harry Potter, and have seen only 3.5 of the movies. But I have some of the film scores on my iPod.

I have read the entire first Twilight book (never saw the movies though), and a few chapters of the second. Secretly, shamefully, at the library.

I will love High School Musical forever, even though I never saw all three movies until I was 13.

I've never seen LOTR, and have only read The Hobbit. But I was given an authentic Ring (complete with the inscriptions on the outside) of my own... and I lost it last year.

I have the Jonas Brothers (among other things) on my iPod and still jam out to them...often.

I have no affiliation for SpongeBob. I never watched it as a kid and have yet to understand the obsession.

I read the Hunger Games books after I heard the movie was coming out just so I could say I'd read them to the fandom police.

I still haven't seen the series finale of How I Met Your Mother. Actually, I've only watched parts of the last few seasons. But I call myself a fan.

I don't like rap music all that much. I know the lyrics to a few rap songs because I literally googled them.

I do, however, still have Blurred Lines on my iPod, and have yet to be annoyed by the song Happy.

I inwardly fangirl like a 13-year-old over Niall Horan. And I secretly find OneDirection in general extremely catchy... and okay, hot.

I had a very, very short obsession with Justin Beiber, though publicly I professed my disgust with everyone else.

I only watched 1 episode of Community, and I make witty jokes about the Troy and Abed mugs (even gave one as a gift once) without ever having legitimately seen them on the show.

I didn't see The Little Mermaid until I was 12.

I could not name any of the 49'ers players besides Colin Kaepernick, but yes, they are absolutely my favorite NFL team. (Also the Raiders. No, I can't name any of them either.)

I've never once played a game of Monopoly.

I have no knowledge of the old, comic book DC vs. Marvel universe. I adore superheroes, and I love the movies. But I have no opinions on which universe is better. (Except Spiderman. I grew up on the old cartoons, with the original theme song. So when people ask, I say Marvel is better... because of Spiderman.)

I think Kristen Stewart is a decent actress.

I've barely read any plays. (In the inner circle of theater kids, this is a cardinal sin. You have to be able to make references to David Mamet or whoever at a moment's notice.)

In general, I make references to things I have no knowledge of so people will think I'm more cultured than I really am.

I thoroughly enjoyed most of the movies my critical, theater friends labeled as "terrible." I'm not going to list them all.

Most of my hipster music (and by hipster I mean the hipster bands that all hipsters are into, i.e. the 1975 and twenty one pilots) I only know about through other people... I only found my most obscure music on my own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[I literally cringed after typing each one of those. Like, I had to physically force myself to type some of them. Readers of this blog are not allowed to use these against me. I published them on the internet. That means I don't care how much you make fun of me. So just don't.]

Now that I've sufficiently traveled down the deepest, darkest hole possible with this post, there's not much left to say. Except that if I can be this lame, pop-culturally, and still act like I'm cool, the rest of you can have the decency to be nice to others who may not be on the same level of obsession that you are with a sport or actor or TV show or band.

Just chill. Okay?

Candid Wisdom and Wit

Inspired by dearest Olivia's perfect blog post today on finishing a John Green novel, I decided to share a few quotes said by the people who choose to grace my life, and maybe you all will realize why I pretend to be witty and wise (because compared to these people, I'm not).

"Falling in love with book characters is not so incredibly pathetic as it seems. It means that the reader is enjoying and loving something completely abstract, and that is a unique, advanced characteristic requiring a great deal of thoughtfulness and understanding. " 
-Olivia Parvin

"I think in poetry and colors and bits of sound and it really is beautiful, having the mind of a writer, but sometimes it just really hurts." -Coree Stuart

"I'm really good at things that don't matter." -Marshal Nichols ... (Not particularly poetic, but I thought about it for a while, and the longer you think about it, the deeper it gets.)

"We live in a culture where everyone is encouraged to 'be different, be yourself'. With everyone trying so hard to be different from everyone else, it's hard. But you're one of the few genuinely unique people I've ever met." -Ali Thomas

 "You can go anywhere and have the power of the one true living God inside you. And that makes you pretty darn mighty." -Dave Hutchings

"You always try so hard to make your life like a movie. But you're already like a movie, you don't have to try." -Matt Zimmerman 

And last but certainly not least, my all-time favorite, by the author of a hundred nuggets of wisdom. This has come back to me hundreds of times over the past few years. 

"Dear 4am,
The scariest things we submit ourselves to are hardly ever spiders or snakes or clowns. To me at least, the greatest fear is found in those moments in which you allow what people think of you to be replaced with who you are. And knowing that where you stand with them is inevitably going to shift." 
-Sarah Labanc

Chills.

All of these, though. Gosh. I live surrounded by poets. 

[Author's Note: If you come back to this post in days following, there may be some added. I can't think of any more right now, but I know they're floating out there in my mental universe. They'll come to me later.] 

Dear Prom,

Your day is charged with a tingly anticipatory excitement from the moment my eyes squint awake. It's hectic, and the new curlers are frustrating, and there's always some last minute important thing that was forgotten. But I love it.

There's something exhilarating about being a girl on days like this. The oh-so-important scent of hairspray hanging in the air, the warmth of steaming curls next to your ears, the glitter of your rarely-painted nails, the sticky shine of mascara and lipstick. There's something strangely satisfying about sliding a zipper up your side to enclose yourself in silk and satin and beads. Suddenly, you're slipping painted toenails into the perfectly matching pair of shoes and the dress-transformation scene from Cinderella flashes through your head in brilliant color and you look in the mirror.

The angel-soft curls cascade around your face - which for once looks magazine-cover worthy, your dress snuggles around all the curves you want it to, you smell like sunshine and the Botanical Gardens, your eyes sparkle, and without realizing it, the word princess floats to the surface of your mind. Wait a second. This is the same person who looked in the mirror this morning and saw messiness and tired eyes, right? The transformation is nothing short of magical.

And then, as you finish a dreamy sigh, the doorbell rings, and your breath catches. The pumpkin carriage and the prince have arrived.

The night is young, and so are you.

We Need More Castle On Here

And now I'd like to share one of my favorite scenes of all time from the show Castle. 
It's between him and his teenage daughter Alexis (who essentially embodies the person that I dream of being). It's probably definitely my favorite spiel she's ever said. It counts as a monologue because Castle never successfully interrupts her. Enjoy. 
(The part where Beckett walks in can be the end, unless you're really interested in why their current suspect isn't the killer.) 

*sigh*

A Love Letter: From a Salt Shaker to a Sugar Jar

You keep saying how alike we are
and I have to admit, we both have
a pretty unique flavor
the party would be pretty boring
without us
I liven the bland
while you are everyone's favorite
the treat that even I
look forward to

So it's only fair to tell you
the bitter truth
before one of us ruins this mixture
because I keep waiting for the moment when
you'll figure it out

You'll realize that I'm only bearable
in measured amounts
I'm fine by the teaspoon
but a spoonful of me
is too much
and next to your resolute solidity
I feel full of holes

Sifted between each other's fingertips
sure, we look the same
but I can't keep on pretending
to be as wonderful as you
any longer

I can only hope
that when you get
a real taste
of who I am
you won't crinkle your nose

Meanwhile, I'll savor the idea
of you and me
the perfect blend
munching on
chocolate covered pretzels
together.

Meteor Shower

Directions: Press play. Then read while you listen. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My father's gentle hand
nudges me from my blanket hibernation
outside, the winter blackness
covers the mountains, as silent and sleepy
as my six-year old self

Half-dreaming, I stumble into a coat and a car
and when my father nudges me again,
we have stopped at a wide field
grassy hill sparkling faintly in the moonlight

The freezing night bites at my face when I jump
from the backseat
my sleepy whimpers are the only sounds
as we trudge up the grass
under the watchful silence of the dark

Then, my grandfather unrolls some thick blankets
hands me a thermos of hot chocolate
and tells me it will be any minute now

We all pile onto the blankets- flat on our backs,
my tiny shoulders wedged between the bulk
of my dad and grandpa-
for what feels like an hour,
silently staring up at the twinkling sky,
our breaths hanging above our heads
in frosty clouds,
waiting

Then, a thin streak of light at the corner of my vision
then another, above my forehead
another, to my left-
and the stars are awake
streaking across the blackness
flying to some unseen destination
their bright journey quicker
than my rapturous, darting eyes

We pass the thermos back and forth,
point at every streak of light,
trying to capture each one before it disappears
They tell me this won't happen again
for a thousand years
And so I make every wish I can think of 
marveling at the possibility
of them all coming true

After an hour, the light showers slow
and stop
leaving only the silent black curtain of the sky
now fringed with deep early morning blue
telling us the show is over
time to pack up our blankets
and stumble sleepily home

We will crawl back
into hibernation
just before the world wakes up,
rubbing the dreams we watched
streaking across the sky
from its eyes

Ode to Vegetables

It's never until I've seen the same things
from both miles
and inches away
that I realize
distance is relative

But there are a few things that a fluorescent screen cannot do
It cannot feel a heartbeat
nor whisper like a breeze
that tickles the hair at your temples
nor discern your breathing
and match it carefully
and it certainly can't
give you goosebumps
on only one side of your neck

But it carries other things
things too big and important
to fill inches with
so I think I'll have both