The Good, the Bad, the End

Well, I guess it's nearly the end. I feel like I'm army-crawling over the finish line of this summer, but I made it. I had some awesome times, and got some awesome laughs and pictures out of it, but I'd be lying if I said it was the best.

Many people who know me are aware of my opinions about returning to Stafford every summer, due largely to the fact that the few close friends I had in high school here have moved away, and I've never been able to find a job that didn't make me miserable (except for pet-sitting- I will never stop taking care of my neighbor's big dogs whenever they ask me... and loving it). So to be frank, with some specific exceptions, this summer was lonely, tired, and sometimes downright depressing. There it is. I can't pretend it was anything otherwise. I was forced to reach out to God day by day for strength and joy, and He showed up in cool ways and (as He does) provided me with exactly what I needed, right when I needed it.

But as I'm not Him, I still don't get His methods. I don't understand why every good job opportunity I had before or during this summer fell through or didn't pan out. I don't understand why every single friend I've had here has left at one point or another, leaving only me behind. I know that suffering produces endurance, and character, and hope, and that He knows my way when I don't...but that's about as far as I've got. Maybe that's as far as I'll ever get.

Either way, I'd rather recap some of the good that did happen.

I read the entire Harry Potter series for the first time, as well as a couple other great books.

I visited my family in California, and my older brother-like cousin Anthony took me to see the giant sequoias. It was a day packed full of so many things that I love: big trees, making fun of tourists, low-level hiking, trees, ice cream, reveling in nature, amazing photography opportunities, giant trees, spending time with Anthony, and did I mention the trees?

My dear friend Madison got married, and as a result I was in my first ever wedding. It was the bomb. I met some insanely amazing girls that were easy to befriend in a weekend, and watched Madison and her beloved exchange some seriously beautiful vows at a ceremony that made me cry with joy.

I finally achieved mermaid-length hair, you guys. I did it. It's been a long and tangly road. But we made it. 

I also went to the beach a couple times, and swam in my neighbor's pool enough times to get a decent tan (which I know I will appreciate when every day in London is rainy). Madi swam with me sometimes, and we pretended to play pool basketball and laughed until we almost drowned. Then we'd go to a fair, or a Korean spa, and live it up. She is the best person to be a kid with.

My roommate and I visited a couple times, and it was so, so sweet to get some one-on-one time with her at our respective houses before we both go abroad at separate times this next year. I realized just how much I love being a girl with her, and how wonderful it is that she is so unashamed about wanting to be a couch potato. I need that in my life.

And last and best of all, I hung out with Josh. A lot. We had countless adventures(I learned croquet! We rode 15 roller coasters in one day, all in the front row!), a couple epic road trips(using no GPS, only manual mapping), and awesome, awesome talks. He became my best friend even more than he already was.

I mean, come ON

But more than anything else, the bright spot of this summer was being able to look ahead. And that's what I want to talk about now. I'm studying at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art this fall semester (I leave in 12 days!), getting my certificate in Classical Acting, and I want to properly document my experiences living in one of the coolest cities in the world. So I'm taking this as my opportunity to officially close the door on this blog, and start a new one based around my travels this fall.

It's bittersweet. This blog has seen me through some of the best and absolute worst times in my life, and it's not exaggerating to say that writing here helped heal me many times. I've cultivated my love of writing, kept myself accountable to growth, measured important milestones, and processed deep sorrows and incredible joys on here. It will always be dear to me. But despite my deep resistance, I'm growing up, and it's time to start a new chapter. (I'm cringing just typing that.) 

If you have been reading this for most or all of these past 5 years, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Being able to hear people say that anything I wrote affected them positively was always such an encouragement, as was the knowledge that I may have been responsible for the genesis of several other blogs out there. I feel confident this little Blogspot is leaving a nice legacy behind. I will never forget the imprint this page, or you few precious readers, had on my life. 

*raises glass*

To the longest diary I ever kept. May its turmoil of emotional, heartwarming, sometimes-genuinely-mortifying ramblings always inspire me to write-and speak- the truth.

Signing off,

The Erdelatz Kid

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If you'd like to read my new blog, by all means, do (or don't- I'm never one for self-promotion). Here it is:

https://talesfrompaddenswickroad.wordpress.com 

A Public Service Announcement

So apparently everyone thought that the last post was about Stanford....

*coughs* Oops. This is awkward.

I don't know those things until April! Sorry for scaring everybody. I'll just come right out and say it when something like that happens.

The last post is about something way cooler than education. Just to clear that up. ;)

In Review

The tradition is, surprisingly, continuing. I have this blog to thank for many things, and a massive one is keeping myself accountable in one way or another. One way that's manifested itself is in keeping actual, real-life New Year's Resolutions. Last year I pulled out 2012's and saw how I did. Now it's 2013's turn to get scrutinized. Then 2014 will proudly step up and have its moment of limelight.

So, without further ado....

2013 Resolutions

-Get a date to prom Check. 

-Don't stay in America all year Unfortunately, no.

-Get abs  (Oh please.) I actually had like, a 2-pack. :D

-Have a swimsuit-worthy body by summer Check.

-Keep up daily Bible readings, even in times of inclement weather and schedule changes Not every day, but most.

-Don't be afraid to wear earrings Check.

-Grow out hair at least 2 inches *looks at end of braid* Probably not.

-Get a drivers license. Seriously. Wow. Nope. 

-Have a Top 3 (or 5) list for colleges Check. 

-Spend more one-on-one time with specific friends and family members I think so. 

In conclusion: I am equal parts awesome and total, utter, failure. But anyways. ON TO THE FUTURE.

2014 Resolutions

Graduate with a GPA of 4.15

Get a date to senior prom

Find a modest bathing suit

Journal more during Bible-reading

Get elbow-length hair

Be happy with the college I choose

Go on more adventures

Keep in touch with the important people

Continue to not swear 

*raises wine glass filled with grape juice*

Let 2014 begin.

The Most Cliche Post of the Month

So I was nominated for a Liebster Award.

For those that have never heard of it (myself included), I'm pretty sure it's this thing designed to introduce bloggers to other new bloggers. So I was tagged as a blogger with under 60 followers (duh) to do these questions about myself and then tag 10 other blogs as my nominees. Thing is, I don't even know of 10 bloggers. Sad I know.
So I'll just do the questions for fun.

Sue me.

1. What is your biggest ambition that you want to do/achieve in life.
I could say acting professionally, or publishing a novel, or even wingsuit jumping, but honestly, it's just to live the life God has planned for me. And find the perfect husband, to be honest.

2. If you could travel through time, would you travel forwards or backwards in time and why?
Probably backwards. I always wish that I could go back and change something stupid I said, or even just be with people that I took for granted before. So I'd relive some favorite memory, or befriend somebody, or something.

3. What one thing do you love most about planet earth and why?
Nature. I love watching the show Planet Earth (yeah, yeah) because it captures so nicely the wonder of creation. Earth in her natural habitat and all. 

4. What is the happiest memory you can remember?
No clue. I was asked this fairly recently. I think I said the weeks before I left Okinawa, when I was with my friends, but I can't pick one. It's more the people I was with. Isn't it always?

5. What film do you think represents your life the best?
What kind of question is that? My life can't be contained in some stereotypical story. Hollywood makes movies based off of my life. It's way too complicated for a movie that's already been made. 

6. If you could only eat one type of food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Fruit, because it's got variety, and is healthy but delicious. And juiceable. But my favorite food is pasta. 

7. What is the funniest joke you know?
Puns in general. I geek SO hard. 

8. Describe what your perfect date would be. Ugggghhhhhhhh fine.
Someone comes to my house in a button-down and says we're gonna hang out. He takes me to get some type of food. Maybe it's just ice cream. We sit someplace talking. Maybe we do something adventurous. We listen to awesome music in the car. He drops me off and kisses me on the cheek and isn't afraid to text me afterwards to ask when we can hang out again. 
*dies of cliches*

9. What is the one thing you cannot live without and why?
Christian fellowship. If I go too long without people who encourage me to keep living for what's most important to me, life gets a lot more difficult. But when I have it, it's so life-giving. 

10. If you had one wish, (and you can't wish for more wishes), what would you wish for?
The power of flight. Since I was 7, that's been it. I'd instantly have a way to escape, a way to see people, a way to have my own perfect secret. 

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Well, that was fun. And really hard. Thanks to Jordan, from the UK for nominating me. How did you find my blog, anyway?

Moving Up in the World, Maybe

So today I met the wife of the Commandant of the Marine Corps. Never mind the unfortunate circumstances. Basically, I'm still reeling.

But let me back up.

About a month and a half ago, my dear friend Bethany West asked me to write a piece on what it was like being a military kid. She had been asked to speak at a symposium with around 400 people about being a military kid, but her dad retired when she was younger, so she asked someone she knew had a few more years in The Lifestyle... and who could string a few sentences together. :D

So I wrote a piece. I typed a ton of stuff, emailed it to her, and said she could use whatever chunk she wanted- it was pretty long. She said she ended up using practically all of it, that it took up a good portion of her speech, and that people were saying amazing things about the whole thing. Naturally, I was immensely proud of her and glad I could help.

Fast forward. When I met the Commandant's wife today, I mentioned that she had probably met my friend Bethany, that she had spoken at a-

At once, she grabbed my hand and said, "Were you the one who wrote that-"

I nodded and smiled.

She immediately grabbed my mother and said, "You didn't tell me this was your daughter!"

Then, after overflowing the most gracious compliments I have ever heard about something I did, she asked if I could send my piece to her so she could publish it on her official blog.

I. Was. Floored.

So as of five minutes ago, I sent the aforementioned email, complete with document attached, to Mike Tollinson, the official aide to the Commandant, and now I'm sitting here thinking I should actually publish the thing I wrote on here so people will believe I wrote it. And I'm also starting to be really grateful that I've kept this thing going for almost a year and a half, because look where it just got me. I'm so grateful to Bethany for asking me to write something, to Mrs. Amos for complimenting me on it, and truly, sincerely, thankful to God for giving me the ability and the love to do this.

So. This is what I wrote.

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When I was little, the military and moving every 2 years was just as much a part of my life as swimming lessons every summer or snow every winter. Predictable. Normal. When I'd learned what I needed to learn and made all the friends I would make, that part of my life would come to a satisfying close, and I would get in a car or a plane and start it over again somewhere different. But by the time I was in middle school, it started to change. I developed deeper friendships, and grew attached to places, and with each move, goodbyes were a little harder.

Finally, I was almost 16 and I was moving away from, of all places, Okinawa, Japan. I had been there for three years. It was the longest I'd ever stayed in one place. Without realizing it, I'd put down roots and developed my closest friendships and begun to treat Okinawa as a real home. The concept of "home" was something that had always eluded me because I had memories from everywhere, and who was to say which ones were more special or valued? And so I assigned the term to where my extended family lived, because they never moved. But as I finished out my sophomore year, I realized that for the first time, I didn't feel like I was finished with that part of my life. I wasn't ready to go, and it was scary because I knew that I didn't have a choice.

There are few things in this world stranger than driving on an ordinary American highway and gasping in awe because you forgot how big they are. Or being grossed out because American french fries are a shade darker than Japanese... because of all the extra oil. Or going into a public restroom and realizing that the toilet seats aren't heated. Remembering how to live in the Western Hemisphere was strange, and one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, because the whole time, it felt like someone in my family had died... because I knew I might not ever see any of my fellow military-kid friends from Japan again.

None of this is to say that living in the military has been anything less than exhilarating. I have always loved those times during the first week of school when kids are asked to talk about what they did over the summer. As kids stand up and say they went to the beach and slept in a lot, I stand up and casually say (like it's no big deal) that I went diving with whale sharks and hiked the temples of Angkor Wat in Cambodia. I love that I've seen more of the world than most, and can speak a sentence or two in more than 3 other languages. I love that I can navigate an international airport in Hong Kong with the speed and efficiency of Jason Bourne. I love that I can understand ridiculous sentences full of military jargon and acronyms, and that one time at a gas station an elderly man came up to my dad and personally thanked him for serving our country. I love how Army/Navy football games are twice as awesome every year because my dad went to the Naval Academy. I loved, when I was younger, the amazing moment of running into my dad's arms when he came home from a deployment. (I love that one time it was so perfect that a reporter actually took a picture of me hugging my dad in his uniform and put it in the newspaper.) I love that I can strike at least a little fear into the hearts of teenage boys when I mention that my dad is a Marine. I love that my family are the only ones that know what every place was like for me. And I love that friendships mean so much more when I've learned to cherish them for only a few years at a time.

Having a Mid-Twenties Crisis When You're 16

You know that mental breakdown that's supposed to come when you've finished college and have a boring job that pays for your groceries and you remember that you were good at doodling in middle school and once took an engineering class that you enjoyed, and can make a killer omelette, but none of those things boost you up the corporate ladder, and so you sit on your couch and have a meltdown in between segments of Law and Order because you don't know what to do with your life?

... Well, neither do I.

But I kind of had a mini-version of that.

Basically, my current GPA, while unknown, is suspected to be rather mediocre. Well, average/above average, but that's my equivalent of mediocre, so same thing. And the odds of getting a good part in Fiddler on the Roof are looking somewhere around 78%. Maybe. Actually, more like 62.5%, which coincidentally happens to be the lowest grade I've ever gotten on a test. (It was my Algebra 2 final exam, which dropped me to a B+ on the last day of school and was the bane of my existence for about 2 weeks.)

Anyway.

I realized that I've always wanted to be good at painting. I know I say that about a lot of things. (Gymnastics, wearing red pants, ballet, painting my fingernails evenly, etc.) But still, it's nonetheless true. Basically, I'm in a phase of scrolling through all my likes on StumbleUpon and clicking on all the ones that are remotely art-related in an attempt to spark some sort of creative epiphany. Then I convinced my mom to buy me some acrylics, painted a couple things that turned out (like everything else), decidedly mediocre, and now I'm caught between this brightly-lit vision of being a twenty-something abstract artist living on the upper East side, or sticking with pencil doodles while still being the brainchild of my graduating class, which isn't looking so promising either, due to my inability to doodle and pay attention in class at the same time and the current existence of Peri Oxford, the #1 GPA in the junior class.

(The last sentence was rather long, but I think it's still grammatically correct. Oh, screw it. It's a blog.)

So I'm okay at painting. I'm okay at grades. I'm okay at singing. I'm a little better than that at acting, but I refuse to be one of those waitresses in Los Angeles that tells her customers that she's an "actress", when in reality she's a waitress who has gotten one or two callbacks but never a real acting job.

So where does that leave me. Well, I could get into a decent college. Stanford will have to go on the back burner, or maybe stay Saran-wrapped in the fridge for later, or maybe even down the disposal altogether, but a decent college. Maybe a drama scholarship. Maybe. Maybe a small-ish academic one as well. I'll get a roommate. I'll get a job at a cafe. I'll participate in a couple all-nighters because I'll stress about my B in English or something.

Then... something. Maybe I will get back into painting. Maybe I'll become a collector of antique books. Maybe I'll travel and pursue Bucket List Item #1 somewhere in Finland. Some guy will notice and think I'm cool and eventually I'll get married.





............Oh.



I guess that's it.


..........

I'm going to go try another painting.



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Author's Note: I just watched the Social Network. My fingers are literally twitching because I can't type fast enough to get everything out of my head. Sorry for the brain-purging explosive-ness. 

Fair Warning

I am practically bursting with the best feelings of truth and love and everything that always comes when I go to youth retreats.

4 days is perfect. Because I'm exactly at the point where I'm ready to go home and live it all out.

For those of you in my life at this time: brace yourselves for hardcore Me.

For any non-Christian blog readers I might have: get ready to be annoyed with me. Or intrigued. I'm just going to go back through all my notes because some of this stuff is too important and meaningful not to talk about.

I mean, the level to which specific people just kept coming to mind during every service was astounding.

So just... get ready guys.

Spicing It Up

As you regulars may have noticed, we've changed our fonts. Say hello to GFS Didot and IM Fell English.

What I really need is a new header picture, but I'm holding out for a snow day, when I can take a truly magnificent one, so until then, here's some variety to tide you over.

I know it's a stray from normality.

Don't be afraid.

"Please Excuse My Horrible Face" -Marilyn Monroe

As my brother was watching a sports movie in the other room and I realized my life would have nothing in it for the next few days except homework and school...

...I decided to jazz up 1 minute and 23 seconds of your time with something new and exciting...
...a video.

Consisting of:
-My surprise at the fact that my blog is getting popular
-My newfound appreciation of the adorable holiday Zales commercials
-My lack of purpose
-Yeah. That's about it.

I need to get out or something. Some of you people know where I live. Surprise me.

Just kidding.
Kind of.
Don't feel obligated.

Okay Wait A Second There

I told myself I was done blogging for the night. Ergh.

But listen, you.

Being happy all the time for only one reason...that was all very well and good.

But that's all gone downhill now, don't ya think?

I mean, yeah. In the moments, I was on top of the world.

But now? I can't look back on that.

Because I'll either miss it(which is no longer an option), or I'll regret it ever happening.

And I know what most people would say. Most of the hipster, tumblr, stereotypical world.

"Never regret something that once made you happy."

Don't fall for that.

Because there's a difference between just getting happiness for a little while and waiting for a better happiness. Holding out for something that's going to last longer than a breathmint.

When you look back on something that was just momentary, and know that you could have, should have held out for a better deal?

That's not something that's fun to look back on.

I'd have thought you would get that. At least, understand that for me.

Maybe not.

If you can look back with satisfaction, if you can smile and say that you're glad it all happened that way...

...then I'm glad it went downhill before it was too late.

Dear King of Random Gestures,

I know you didn't want me to post about for your sake. But I'm going to do it anyway.

I hope you never see this. Because if you do, my most tantalizing secrets sealed within my cryptic titles would be jeopardized, and my facade of imagined mystery could crumble in mere moments. And that must not happen. Heavens no.

I'm already too vulnerable today.

This might not have been the case had it not been for Coree. That perfectly adorable, inquisitive child. She (thank goodness) had no idea what my cryptic-ness could mean, but she was determined to find out. Through incessant prodding and careful process of elimination, she unearthed my most treasured secret of this lowly page, and once she had, it was out there. In the open, where I felt anyone could just reach out and snatch it, only to shatter it on the proverbial floor. 

I couldn't believe it. If Coree could elbow past my seemingly immovable front that guarded this secret, who else might? Granted, Coree knows the tricks to squirm through my barriers. But it left me uncovered and shivering with cold and fear. Metaphorically. 

Then, like an idiot, I brought this up, and though I highly doubt you will follow through and pursue the reading of this page, I can't remove the question from my mind, and until I am certain, it will remain there like a festering splinter. 

So if you're reading this, I've already lost half the battle. 

Sincerely,

Abby

My One and Only

For all you readers.....

Hah. That's a lie. Scratch that.

For Olivia and Coree, you two lucky readers, I will be reverting back to this as my only outlet for my creative passion out into the cyber world. My tumblr will be deleted shortly, by decree of the parents, no thanks to those weirdos I thought were wholesome people who posted gross vulgar, mostly-naked stuff on there. Ick. 

Can't we all just be godly?????

Sigh. 

So Coree, as to your frustrations about your blogger buddies turning to the dark side (Tumblr), have no fear. I am back, and our blogger bond has been reforged. 

And Liv, you no longer have to stress about keeping up with 21st century technology, a task I also find daunting. We are back. Your fellow blogger has come home to safety. 

It feels good. 

Getting Along Famously. Pun Intended.

Coree signed an autograph today.

Someone at school whom she'd been intimidated by since MIDDLE SCHOOL came up and told her that she reads Coree's blog every day and loves it so much, and could she get her autograph?

So proud of her. She was so surprised by this unexpected and completely worthy attention, yet ecstatic. From there, we started talking about the pros of blogging, other people's blogs (she'll kill me for this, but Liv, I told her about how awesome yours was and that she should check it out), being an internet sensation, and other such things. I wondered if I should publicize my blog more so as to become equally famous, but I don't post as often or as brilliantly as my friends, and who knows just how many secrets I want the population of the internet to know about?


Like the showtune I sang in the shower.


Or that cute guy who smiled at me the other day.


Or things that make me cry.

Or...or...


But then. It's not like I'm signing autographs. I have a feeling I've got nothing to worry about. :)

Coree's Blog:

corennajellybeana.blogspot.com 

Liv's Blog:

livindepth.blogspot.com 

For my tiny population of fans. 

The Perks and the Drawbacks

Hmm. Me? Creating a blog? Unheard of. Normally, the obscure part of me would be shrugging it off and saying that a blog is way too mainstream. But then Coree Stuart, ever the trendsetter, made a fabulous one.

Gah, peer pressure. But I do like the idea of being able to publish things and feel accomplished.

It's ironic. Normally, you want to publicize a blog, right? Only, thing is, I know people won't read this. That's strangely comforting. It's like a fancy, electronic diary. Only more pleasing to the eye. Yes, I will get a couple devoted friends that will check to read my musings. But the ones that care enough to do so are the ones I won't be writing implicating things about. And my secrets are safe with them.

See how that works? 


So we're going to try this and see how it works. Hah. I say "we". In actuality, I'M the one trying it. Well, and Coree. Love you pal.

~Me