Dear Boy I'd Love To Hate,

It's a lot easier to dislike you today.

It was painless enough, I guess. But through it all, you never said one word to me. 

Never even looked at me. Nor I at you.

Never mind the fact that I was trying not to cry after saying goodbye to a close friend of 3 years. Or the fact that I knew you would have talked to anyone else who'd been in my place. Or the fact that it wasn't even me you were closed off towards. But when you shut down, you shut out everybody. Not just the ones you intend. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you didn't want to talk to me at all. Fine. Say the word and I'll never bother you again. But my guess is that this had nothing to do with me. 

Well now it does. Are you happy? 

On a hunch, someone suddenly realized the obvious at the last moment. It was that we hadn't said one thing to each other. They asked if we'd had a fight. I almost laughed. Because that would have been so much easier to make sense of than the truth. 

I didn't have the heart to tell them that you and I don't even talk enough to fight about anything. 

Maybe that's what bothers me the most. 

A Faraway Land

Anticipation.

That feeling when your muscles are tensed, you lean forward, you wait for the signal that means you can go. You listen and wait and inwardly reel with giddy glee at what you know and expect and desperately hope will happen.

That's what I feel now. On the eve of my first huge youth retreat since middle school. As such, all of my retreat memories are packed into one weekend of pouring rain and screaming middle schoolers. And yet it was the most glorious weekend in the world. I smile just remembering all the laughs and incredulous whoops of glee.

And all I can do now is wait.

And pack clothes.

And charge cameras and ipods.

And paint my nails.

And twist fabric strips into bracelets for my team, most of whom I've never met.

And wait.

SO EXCITED!

Dear Naive and Hopeful Abby,

Once again, I must remind you in case you were starting to feel confident.

You're still failing at lots of things.

Just do yourself and everyone else a favor and try to stay out of everybody's way. Don't act like you don't know exactly what I'm talking about.

Sincerely,

The Logical Half of Your Brain

Hey

There are an infinite number of ways to say 

"Hey." 

Today's greeting wasn't very exciting in the least. But it gave me a bit more hope than yesterday's.