Helpless

I was watching three of my friends frantically study for their AP Chem whatever-it-was at lunch yesterday, and I turned to someone and said, "I'm watching this with the same feeling I get when I see those sappy ASPCA commercials. I feel so sad for the helpless little kittens and puppies and I just want to save them all, but I can't."

Those poor little kittens needed someone to help them, but I just couldn't do it. (i.e. I hadn't taken chem since sophomore year)

As humorous as that situation was, I realized how true it was about myself as I shivered under my covers at 10:30 pm (yeah, yeah) last night and realized that there are some people I can't save.

And it's heartbreaking. It's almost like I'm hurting worse than they are. But goosebumps wrap around my sides and race down my legs and this knot tightens in my throat and my eyes sting as I realize that there's no way I know what it's like to hurt that bad. Me, in my privileged middle-class white girl life.

That makes it worse.

So as I shivered under a comforter and another fleece blanket, scared to death that I might not be enough,

I came to the heartbreaking conclusion that while I'm certainly not doing all I can, at the end of the day there will only be so much.