Blue Tuesday

If I'm planning a surprise (or am just aware of one that's being planned), I can hardly contain it. When I made plans to secretly go home over fall quad break, I couldn't tell my family, so I told everyone at Gordon that I possibly could. It was like the emotion was too much for me to physically contain, and to process it I had to let some out, a little at a time, by giving it to others.

Secrets, joyful or sorrowful, are like that. They carry weight, and sometimes that weight is too much for one person to carry. That's how they get told. From then on, every person that receives the secret carries a bit of that weight too. Whether they like it or not.

That's why it's so huge to be the caretaker of one. You have to decide. Do you carry the weight alone... forever? Or do you burden others with it for their lives too?

Having both been burdened and been the one to hand that burden others, it's hard to say. But I don't regret having to carry some things. Today I could feel someone else's weight from hundreds of miles away, and in a small way I am with them in the carrying, even if they can't feel it themselves.

I think trusting others to carry our secrets makes us brave. Holding them inside ourselves forever robs others of the chance to test their strength, and after so many years our shoulders just get tired.



As your guardian, I was instructed well
to make sense of God's love in these fires of hell