Battles with the Green-Eyed Monster

Let me just begin by saying that I am fully aware that I am a sinful, selfish human.

Now.

You know that feeling. Where no matter what you do, or who you do it with, or what you say to yourself, you're still alone? There's no word for that.

It's one thing to watch a bunch of couples stroll past and feel sorry for yourself because you're the ONLY ONE without a boyfriend. *rolls eyes* Give me a break. This is way worse than THAT "alone" feeling. It comes when you see what feels like hundreds of cute statuses about best friends and what feels like thousands of even cuter "best friend" pictures everywhere and wish so desperately that it was YOU who had someone to look photogenic with and have adventures with and take pictures with. But your best friend is thousands of miles away, and they're so busy being with each other every freaking SECOND that no one here has time for you.

You know that feeling?

When you want so desperately to scream how bored and lonely you are, but you don't want to seem socially awkward and desperate, and for some incomprehensible reason you are just so infuriated every time you hear about how much they enjoy each other's company. ONLY each other's company. Not yours. Not anyone else's. What if I want to be friends too? Why does that infuriate me?

You know that feeling?


When every time you see yet another cute reminder of people being such "best friends", you are THIS close to reminding them that they won't be together for much longer, what with life and all, and maybe they might want to see other people every once in a while, so that their life doesn't fall apart when it's too late, but then you want to punch yourself in the face for thinking such volatile, sniveling, manipulative thoughts. And even though you remind yourself that they do include you, they DID include you once, the immediate stinging aftermath is that it was a brief glimpse of what they do with each other all the time, and that it's not the same if you're there.

They'd much rather be with each other than with you. 

You know that feeling?