When It's Not Just A Joke Anymore

I'm really, really, lucky.

No, really. I have parents that I like, a physical appearance that I'm at peace with, friends that have never stabbed me in the back, good grades, and I've never once come close to doing bad things to others or myself.

What's wrong with me????


Everyone else seems to have anywhere from one to all of the above problems. Do they feel superior to me? Inferior to me? Jealous of me? Should I be jealous of them?

And now I'm on the Far East Drama Team, and I'm playing a suicidal girl who kills herself with a razor, and...and...

I don't know what that's like to be depressed. And some people in the room with me might. 

So I could go one of two ways with this. Be the best actor I can and IMAGINE what it's like.....or do a wild method acting thing and start thinking of "safe" ways to "pretend" to mess up my life.

I'm actually leaning toward option B. And that scares me a little. Because while I'm not actually serious about wanting to kill myself or hurt others, what if that's what it ends up becoming? Or maybe other people who ACTUALLY struggle with this kind of stuff think that I'm disrespecting them and their struggles? That's not at ALL what I want to do.

So what's a normal, sheltered girl to do. I can't just laugh it off and joke about it because for some people, it's not just a joke. It's real.