Dear Family,

Mr. Coia,
You remain my favorite teacher ever, and you know what? Forget what I said about my new teacher reminding me of you. He's bald and dresses nicely. That's about it. Otherwise he is the polar opposite of the English teacher I have come to need. Can we Skype and you just teach me rhetoric?

Donaven,
I need someone to freak out like I'm a big deal when I sing Love Song. And just be silly with. And hug China because it needs some love. You're the only person I can say that I literally hugged China with. Let that ferment like a fine wine.

Aaron,
I just wish I could see you do that head-exploding gesture/sound effect that we do and your little crooked-grin laugh. I miss having you freak out when I told you cool stuff that happened and having cool matching nicknames that end in -lynn and your hipster combo of aviators/penny board/tank top. And because you don't read this, I can say that I miss Aaron and Amelia. They were good together. Admit it. They were great.

Michael,
I miss having kind of a guy best friend. Who could do funny little alien peace signs and a little skip-hop thing when he was excited and derp faces like no one else. Who had a kitten and lots of movies. Who would let me rant about girl problems and understand them, and who even though I friend-zoned I could almost see marrying one day because he's just that awesome.

Gunnar,
Can you make me laugh? You were so good at that. Can you mow my lawn and then carpool with me everywhere and then introduce me to the right way to eat udon noodles with your Korean mom and then slide on your aviators and walk off into the sunset like it's no big deal? Please?
Can we Skype or something? I need cheering up.

Bailey,
Everything reminds me of you.

Steffany,
The way we counted to five and then sneezed for six was kind of the best thing about drama class. And assigning seductive names to upperclassmen boys may have started with you. And I've always thought that the way you laughed at your own jokes was cute, not annoying. It made everyone else realize how funny they were. I hope you and Grant get married, and that you stay so, so Mexican.

Sarah,
Someone told me once that I was like a younger you, and I think that's the best. I'm kind of starting to become you more every day, and it's sad that you're not around to approve. They played the Kooks in Foot Locker today, and I almost danced down the aisles of high heels from pure glee. Secretly, I always wished we were better friends. But Coree took that spot, and she needed it more than I did. So I let her, and simply admired your sunglasses and gazelle-like movements from afar.

Cody,
I miss my older brother. My dueling partner who laid out the roadmap of high school for me in the back rows of the auditorium when we were supposed to be learning our lines. You told me where the shortcuts were, detours to avoid, and most importantly, gave me a telescope and gave me a glimpse into the field of sunflowers, the honey-filled bunches of oats that was You and Sarah. And even though you told me last month not to copy that relationship, I've realized that that's kind of what my life is turning into. The good parts, anyway.

Coree,
We really are the same person. So now that I don't have you around, it's like there's this gaping hole in me. Like when you lose a tooth, and it feels strange because your tongue keeps running over this empty space and it's not right. Except the tooth's not growing back. I still miss you just as much as when you were yanked from my being.

Dave,
You were such a big part of who I am now. I still do our Inception yell, and no one gets it here.
When you emailed me to ask how I was doing I broke down crying because... I don't know. I just did.

Joe,
Besides my dad, you might be my favorite Marine. Going to Burger King with you after church was so much fun. Between cracking jokes about my dad's rank, complaining about physical fitness tests, and listening to you threaten bodily harm on all my future boyfriends, you always finished a burger twice the size of mine. I'm glad you're bald. It's cool.

Lewis,
Thanks for showing me the world. It's been gradually shrinking for me since we parted, and I need to find a new you and get some fresh air.
You already know.


Moral of the story:
I need some Skype dates.
Like now.
I need some apple tea and Arashi's and Coco's curry.
I need some hugs from the right people.
I need to climb a tree.