Not Getting Enough Sleep Anyway

...So I'll write about how I hate this moment. One I've had countless times this past year.

Of sitting at the computer. The only light is the stinging one of the monitor in front of me. My eyelids won't stay open, and when they do they fill with frustrated tears. Because no matter how long I force my body to stay conscious, it won't make a difference.

I'll finish my homework. I always do.

It'll be mediocre, along with most of my existence.

I won't get anything above an 82% on that-one-test tomorrow in that-one-infernal-class. I never do.

And in the middle of trying to understand math problems I wasn't there to learn the equations for, I'll throw down my pencil. I'll stare at the brightness in front of me, enveloped by the blackness of the downstairs behind me.

I'll sink my head and arms into my textbook, which suddenly feels like a pillow.

And I'll cry.

Because nothing can change the fact that I have too many things that all require my immediate attention, but I'm spread so thin and ragged that there's nothing left of me to give. To any of it.

I hate these nights.

But what I hate most about them is the fact that they never used to happen.
It makes it worse when they do.