Post-Senior Banquet Profundity

So... I didn't win the senior superlative for Most Likely To Be a Superhero. Frankly, I'm not entirely surprised, so of course I clapped and smiled for Maggie Butters and reminded myself that it's only a popularity contest anyway. I told myself to stop caring about whether people thought I was cool.

But since then I've had a revelation. I wasn't upset that people don't think I'm cool enough to win a superlative. I'm scared of being forgotten.

I want people to remember me. I'm not talking about my friends who shared memories with me and will keep in touch and all that. I know those people will remember me- duh. I want other people to remember me. Even if we only interacted a couple times, even if I never signed their yearbook, I want them to remember me. Because I remember everyone. Everyone that had some sort of profound instance of interaction with me, no matter how minute... I remember it. I always have.

It seems a great cosmic injustice to disregard the fact that someone added meaning to your life in some way, so I remember everything and everyone. And if I ever went out of my way to attempt to add some small amount of happiness to your life, I want you to remember that too. It makes me cringe to admit that I want people to wonder, but it's discouraging to think that they won't. It diminishes the fact that those moments happened.

So to all those whose yearbook I never signed, or even those that just wrote a few cliche lines: I will remember you, and think about you at the most arbitrary of moments. I am easily affected by people who catch my attention for no good reason at all. I fixate on the barest hints of connection even if it turns out to be nothing at all.

To those that gave me nothing, who never acknowledged my existence in the least: thank you for not giving me false reason to hope. It simplifies things. Adds a degree of certainty.

But to those who almost did - who glanced my way for even small moments, added your two cents, and then turned away without solidifying your significance- you have power without measure. You have made me wonder, and it kills me to wonder. You will forget the time I talked to you, and I won't, and even though that's completely inexplicable and means nothing, to me it's sad. Just a little.

So you, whose outfit I complimented or who offered me a ride or shared a joke or helped me review for a test. Never be afraid to leave people with a final remark, even if it seems stupid. Solidifying significance is never stupid. Without it, I wonder.