It's hard for anybody. But there's something about my personality that tends to just... not let go of things. I can say the words, but deep, deep, deep down... I hardly ever fully mean it.
But I don't want to just say it. I want to really be okay.
I want to be able to look people in the eye and say, not just that it's 'okay', but that I forgive them whether or not they're even sorry. And then I want to be able to not think about it again. And just move on.
That's hard.
Really hard.
I have to literally ask God to do that. To make me want to forgive. To be okay with never getting an apology, but forgiving anyway. To be okay with forgiving what I may feel is a halfhearted apology. To be okay with forgiving even the most sincere apologies.
I can't do it, but He can.
And I guess for now that's okay.
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